The year in rhyme, 2012
Before we put this year on the shelf,
Let’s say goodbye to two thousand and twelf
With a look back at all of the things that made news —
Well, not all — only those that impacted the Jews.
Although sometimes we journos get carried away
And make something Jewish that isn’t that way,
Like a JTA headline we thought quite a dandy:
“Jewish community bears impact of Sandy.”
Which wasn’t quite true; the storm was impartial
And drew upon all of the skills we could marshal
To rescue the folks whose lives were left broken
In Belmar, Beach Haven, Sea Bright, and Hoboken.
The storm with its surge, its winds, and its raining,
Came in the midst of a flood of campaigning
By the incumbent and a guy who would make
A fine little groom on a rich wedding cake.
Week after week the GOP held on,
Buoyed by cash from a guy known as Sheldon
Adelson, who into the campaign injected
Millions and still got no one elected.
Obama had drawn the wrath of the Right,
Who soon after waging an 18-month fight
Saw Barry in Jersey and were mighty pissed he
Got red carpet treatment from Governor Christie.
Whether their bromance turned out decisive,
The election was typically mean and divisive,
With a deluge of negative TV attacks
Paid for by a superstorm of Super PACs.
Attacks much more dire rained down helter-skelter
On southern Israelis who rushed into shelters
And asked God to spread out His sukkat shalom.
It worked! Hallelujah! He sent “Iron Dome.”
The army responded to months of harassment,
And everyone understood just what Hamas meant
When they called for the end of the Zionist state.
Israelis hear this and think “heaven can wait.”
Bibi, on stage at the UN this fall
Said nukes in Iran were a big threat to all,
But making his point, in blue tie and coat, he
Held up a cartoon out of Wile E. Coyote.
A flick dissing Allah was initially said
To be funded by Hollywood Jews, but instead
The reports would turn out to be quite erroneous.
Its maker was Coptic, his goal acrimonious.
The London Olympics were a high point for sport
With plenty of action on field, pool, and court.
But no medals of valor for bureaucrats who
Dishonored the fallen of ’72.
A highpoint for Jews on those long summer nights
Was a pint-sized Petrushka in stars-and-stripes tights.
Aly Raisman grabbed gold with a gymnastic thrilla
And did it while dancing to “Hava Nagila”!
And speaking of sports, there was some intrigue
When last year’s best in the National League
Was a Jew who faced charges of substance abuse.
He walked, Ryan Braun, but was he good for the Juice?
But good news there was, that no one can rob us,
Obama helped Jack Lew remember the Shabbos
And learners of Talmud, every Tzvi, Yitz, and Shlomi
Completed the seven-year cycle, Daf Yomi.
We all end the year with a weight on our chests
And tears for the innocents cut down at their desks.
And look forward to greeting two thousand thirteen
And pray that it’s better than this one has been.