(Fill in the blank), Trump’s your guy
You want settlement construction on the West Bank to “keep moving forward” without interference or objections from the U.S. government? Trump’s your guy.
You want a Middle East policy that will be “very good for the Palestinians?” Trump’s your guy.
You want a mediator who says, “I’d love to negotiate peace” between Israel and the Palestinians and who has said he’d be strictly neutral but is in it “just because — man, would that be a beauty” of a deal? Trump’s your guy.
You want an ally who shifts policy without notice, sometimes in mid-sentence? Trump’s your guy.
You want someone who loves Israel? Trump’s your guy.
You want someone with a large number of “Arab and Muslim partners” and business investors throughout the Arab world but still wants to ban Muslims from coming here? Trump’s your guy.
You want a candidate who doesn’t follow the traditional hawkish GOP pro-Israel positions but makes up what passes for policy as he goes along? Trump’s your guy.
You want a candidate who has suggested that Israel, like other countries, should reimburse U.S. foreign aid and pay for the U.S. defending them? Trump’s your guy. (Memo to Netanyahu: start saving your shekels.)
You want a candidate who believes Israel “never was properly treated” by the United States? Trump’s your guy.
You want a leader who will start trade wars with China, Mexico, and other top trading partners? Trump’s your guy.
You want the tiny finger of a megalomaniacal national security novice and xenophobe on the nuclear trigger? Trump’s your guy.
You think Saudi Arabia should have nuclear weapons? Trump is your guy.
You want a president who said he opposed the Iraq war before it started, even though he actually supported it? Trump’s your guy.
You’re an “America First” isolationist? Trump is your guy.
You want a Republican candidate who all the living past GOP presidential nominees and former presidents refuse to endorse, at least for now? Trump’s your guy.
You want someone who told wealthy Jewish Republicans they’re a bunch of deal makers like him and only contribute to politicians they can buy, but he’s rich and doesn’t need them? Trump’s your guy.
You want a leader who boasts how rich he is but refuses to prove it and is the only candidate who won’t release his tax returns? Trump is your guy.
You want someone who took nearly three months and demands by the Anti-Defamation League to reject the endorsement of ex-KKK wizard David Duke and to renounce anti-Semitism? Trump’s your guy.
You want a bigot who calls Mexicans whores and drug users and wants to round up and deport 11 million undocumented persons? Trump’s your guy.
You want a misogynist who has called women “fat pigs,” “dogs,” “slobs,” disgusting animals,” “bimbos,” said pumping breast milk is “disgusting,” thinks women should be punished for having abortions, and boasts of his penis size? Trump’s your guy.
You want a president with a Jewish son-in-law? Take your choice; Hillary has one, too.