A rabbi, a penguin, and Kathie Lee walk into a bar…

A rabbi, a penguin, and Kathie Lee walk into a bar…

Purim starts Saturday night, which means it’s time for our annual Purim News Quiz. Every question is based on a true story we reported since last Purim; all questions come with one actual answer. All things considered, it was a pretty weird year.

1. What surprised zookeepers at Ramat Gan Zoological Center in December?
a/ Suki and Chupchikoni, two black-footed penguins, were involved in a lesbian relationship.
b/ Boaz and Hanna, a pair of leatherback turtles, refused to eat nonkosher food.
c/ Arik and Abdul, golden spiny mice born on opposites sides of the Green Line, had entered into peace negotiations.

2. Young Jewish singles looking for love in Washington, DC, did what in 2013?
a/ Took out ads on Craigslist offering Shabbat dinners for guys “who are tall, dark, and handsome”
b/ Paid scalpers up to $600 for a ticket to President Obama’s annual White House seder
c/ Wore “Pro-Israel, Pro-Peace, and Procreative” buttons at the J Street policy conference

3. What was the code name of the NYPD investigation that nabbed a group of Brooklyn drug dealers who told customers they were closed for Shabbat?
a/ “Never on Saturday”
b/ “Only After Sundown”
c/ “A Fistful of Havdalas”

4. Today host Kathie Lee Gifford said what during her 60th birthday celebration?
a/ “I want to go to Israel and date Shimon Peres.”
b/ “I want to go to Yeshiva University and become a rabbi.”
c/ “I want to know why Ashkenazi Jews don’t eat corn on Passover.”

5. Why did the company that runs the Jerusalem light rail hire ushers to hand out candy?
a/ To keep Israeli men from spitting sunflower seeds on the floor.
b/ To toss at weddings and bar mitzvas being held en route.
c/ To teach Israeli commuters not to push and shove their way on and off the trains.

6. “The Zionist entity is a racist entity by definition.” Who lost their job after tweeting this statement?
a/ A man dressed as Elmo in Times Square
b/ An actor who does the voice of Donald Duck in Arabic
c/ Celebrity chef Paula Deen

7. A respected haredi Orthodox rabbi forbade followers from doing what?
a/ Owning an iPhone
b/ Owning an iPhone without downloading his popular “A bisl Torah” app
c/ Taking “selfies” at the Western Wall

8. What was the Hanukka innovation introduced during public menora lightings last December?
a/ A 20-foot menora made out of 1,500 balloons
b/ A nine-foot menora filled with jellybeans
c/ A menora made out of bicycle parts
d/ A seven-foot menora sculpted out of ice
e/ All of the above

9. Connecticut rabbi Noah Muroff was called the “most honest man in America.” Why?
a/ He returned nearly $100,000 in cash that he found in a desk he purchased from Craigslist.
b/ He paid taxes on the value of the T-shirts, sweatshirts, and beach towels his kids acquired at their friends’ bar and bat mitzvas.
c/ He told an interviewer that Game of Thrones is really just a young adult novel with nudity.

10. A San Diego school bus driver was suspended for driving a car with a vanity license plate reading what?
a/ “HA8 JWZ”
b/ “NOT SEE”
c/ “JU4GZUS”

11. An Orthodox rabbi in Israel ruled that medicinal marijuana is kosher. However:
a/ The bong water must be certified.
b/ The Grateful Dead is still goyishe naches.
c/ Using weed for fun is forbidden.

12. In November, the overlap of Hanukka and Thanksgiving inspired the sale of what item?
a/ The Menurkey, a menora in the shape of a turkey
b/ The Latkornucopia, a horn-shaped latke stuffed with fresh produce
c/ The Hanukkia Optima, a candle-powered sedan for driving to grandma’s house
d/ Maccabeet Salad (12 beets, 2 navel oranges, and a cup — no, wait, eight cups — of olive oil)

13. In what ironic fashion did Israelis welcome Passover 5773?
a/ A group of pilgrims retracing the Israelites’ journey out of Egypt nearly drowned when their motorboat flipped over in the Red Sea.
b/ Farmers battled a swarm of locusts that crossed the border from Egypt.
c/ During the search for hametz on Passover eve, a Haifa family found an afikomen hidden by a family member in 1957.










Answers: 1-a, 2-a, 3-b, 4-b, 5-c, 6-b, 7-a, 8-e, 9-a, 10-b, 11-c, 12-a, 13-b

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